The elders might disapprove, but some couples are opting for cheaper, intimate ‘micro-weddings’

SINGAPORE — Having attended large weddings where she did not have the chance to speak much to the bride and groom, architect Jezamine Chua, 30, always wanted her own big day to be a more meaningful affair for her guests.
That was why in 2023, she and her then-fiancé Alvin Leong organised a “micro-wedding” with just 30 guests at a cafe.
Only friends who played a significant part in the couple’s journey were invited, while immediate family members had a separate lunch after their solemnisation at the Registry of Marriages.
Ms Chua is among a few couples in Singapore who decided to keep things intimate, defying the norm of large weddings. Some even go ahead with it despite opposition from parents or older relatives. 
While inviting hundreds of people used to be de rigueur for weddings in Singapore, the safety restrictions during the Covid-19 pandemic had exposed people to the idea of micro-weddings, referring to weddings with fewer than 50 guests.
Hence, long after event size restrictions were lifted, the practice persisted.
“We made (our wedding) more close-knit. We just wanted a cosy venue which would allow for easy conversations among our friends. We also didn’t put in too much time in the planning, and spent only S$1,500,” said Ms Chua.
Wedding planner Nor Suhailah, 36, who founded the wedding planning company Vynella Events, believes that Covid-19 changed perceptions towards micro-weddings, though they are still relatively uncommon. 
While people used to feel hurt if they were not invited, Ms Suhailah said that individuals are now more understanding when they are left out of guest lists if they are not too closely connected with the couple.
At the same time, couples that TODAY spoke to had compelling reasons why they chose to hold micro-weddings, such as lower costs and their preferences for a more intimate event.
Take Ms Chua for example, who said she never enjoyed large weddings and always felt she was “just there to fill a spot”.
She also said that these larger-scale events were awkward because they often did not know the other guests sitting at the same table.
Her husband, a 33-year-old venture capitalist, agreed. “The whole experience is quite boring. And a lot of the time, some people expect to break even on the red packets they receive,” said Mr Leong.
“I think that’s not the point of marriage. The point is that you are starting a new life with your spouse. I feel like those big, lavish weddings are more for the relatives to ‘show face’”.
In Chinese culture, “showing face” refers to the need to present a positive image in front of others. 
For their wedding last year, the couple deliberately booked a small venue which allowed them to have deeper interactions with their guests and celebrate their friendships.
Ms Chua also planned activities meant for a smaller setting. For example, she gave out different types of tea leaves and asked her guests to construct their own tea bag which would represent what they knew about the bride and groom.
“They started coming up with different symbolisms of the tea leaves. Some even wrote accompanying poems and gave the poems really unique titles that tried to capture our relationship,” recalled Ms Chua.
The intimate setting allowed the pair to walk around and talk to their guests about their quirky creations individually. 
Another Filipino couple, banker Kathrina Cabrido, 41, and technician Jeremiah Paul Mercado, 42, held a micro-wedding last month at a condominium rooftop in Bedok. They invited 35 guests — including churchmates and colleagues.
Ms Cabrido is based in Singapore while Mr Mercado works in the United States. 
“It made it special because we know that those people that we really wanted to be there are those that play an important part in our lives.”
She added that knowing the crowd made her less anxious and gave her the peace of mind that her guests were not there to criticise the wedding, but rather were truly there for her.
She knew that they wanted to witness what Ms Cabrido and Mr Mercado said to each other and asked “real questions” to understand why the pair decided to tie the knot.
“(With a big wedding), we could have been scared of making mistakes on what to do, and probably be tired of saying hi and hello to people that we don’t really know much”, said Ms Cabrido.
Nevertheless, they are not ruling out a larger wedding in the future. The pair intend to organise two more gatherings overseas for their loved ones in the Philippines and the US. 
Apart from a better chance of genuine exchanges with guests, Ms Suhailah said that micro-weddings are also “more pocket-friendly” and “definitely thousands of dollars cheaper”.
According to wedding planners TODAY spoke to, elaborate ceremonies can cost as much as S$90,000. Dropping the headcount slashes that to the S$10,000 to S$40,000 range.
She added that the “logistics madness” is reduced because it would be easier to manage a smaller crowd at outdoor weddings if it rains during the event.
Additionally, a smaller guest list offers opportunities for more customisation. “Couples are more creative in the finer details because there’s fewer things for them to DIY,” said Ms Suhailah.
She explained how the hosts can create personalised invitation cards and door gifts.
Mr Evan Ong, co-founder of wedding planning service Knotz, agreed: “The couple has more control over all aspects of planning — especially if they are the ones footing the bill”.
He added: “They can pick the menu they like, have the entertainment they want in terms of musicians and games, and maybe even have handmade wedding favours for each guest”.
Wedding planner Mr Zack Zakariah, 45, who specialises in Malay weddings, said that “the value of the dollar is stretched further when spending for a small function”.
He gave an example of how if one spends S$40,000 on a smaller wedding as compared to a larger event, they can afford to enhance the guest experience by changing the cuisine and opting for Mediterranean food instead of the “typical biryani or nasi lemak”.
For the newlyweds Mr Jonathan Liu, 40, and Ms Wong Sie Wan, 37, holding a solemnisation ceremony in August with only three guests gave everyone more time to take photographs.
While the couple are based in Singapore, there is little reason for them to host a large wedding here as their roots are in the Netherlands and they have relatives in other Asian countries too.
Said Mr Liu: “Since we had one hour for pictures, we could take our time with poses. Our sisters and Sie Wan’s nephew didn’t know there was going to be a professional photographer there.
“So giving them the chance to take nice pictures for themselves is something special and memorable for them”.
But micro-weddings have their downsides too, as some couples face pressure from their parents who are offended by their children’s decision to leave out certain people from the guest list.
“There must always be a compromise. A marriage involves many people — not just the couple. So the family is very important when you plan a wedding”, said Ms Annabel Law, a wedding photographer who also creates custom wedding itineraries at Annabel Law Productions. 
For Ms Chua, her husband’s parents had preferred the “traditional wedding banquet”. But Mr Leong was adamant about his decision and the couple had to convince his parents that a small wedding was worth it.
He raised the fact that Ms Chua’s sister tied the knot without even telling her parents or holding a reception.
In response, Mr Leong’s parents felt that there should at least be a ceremony to allow Ms Chua’s parents to experience what it would be like to witness one of their daughters getting married.
Eventually, Mr Leong and Ms Chua organised a separate lunch with immediate family members when the pair gave their vows at the Registry of Marriages. 
“At the lunch, they were placated, felt satisfied, and also agreed there was not a need to splurge on a huge ceremony. At least, an event was held for close family”, said Mr Leong. 
The wedding celebration — consisting only of friends and colleagues — took place two months later.
Another newlywed, who declined to be named, said she held a wedding with only 13 guests in July 2022, and likewise faced some opposition from a family member. She spoke on condition of anonymity as she did not want to cause further strife with said relative.
The 37-year-old, who works in financial services, recounted how it was one of her husband’s aunts who got upset after finding out that she was not invited to the wedding. Because of that, the aunt did not talk to the newlywed’s mother-in-law for some time.
“(The aunt) was disappointed that the extended family was unable to witness the wedding,” she told TODAY. “She was like ‘How can the wider family not be invited?'”
Asked if she had any regrets about holding a smaller wedding, she said she “couldn’t control how people felt”, and that she did not feel “any bad vibes” from her wedding.
“Everyone at our wedding had a great and meaningful time,” she said.
On this, Ms Suhailah said that couples have to understand and respect the various perspectives of different generations when it comes to the size of wedding receptions.
“It’s always about communication. When you can be firm, remember to be nice. Sometimes compromise is necessary especially when it comes to customs and traditions that are important to the older generation”, she said.
“At the end of the day, everyone wants a happy celebration.”
While micro-weddings of fewer than 50 guests are still relatively rare here, wedding planners said their numbers show that weddings are growing smaller in size.
Pandemic safety practices might have normalised the trend, but Knotz co-founder Mr Ong believes this is also due to “the relentless increase in the prices of hotel wedding packages” recently.
Based on the weddings managed by Ms Law, the average number of guests per wedding has dipped from 350 to 250 following the pandemic.
Out of the 157 weddings that she managed in 2024, only seven were considered micro-weddings. Likewise for Vynella Events’ Ms Suhailah, there were only five micro-weddings out of 200 weddings organised by her firm in 2024.
“I predict that micro-weddings will become a trend in the next five years when Gen Zers start getting married. Right now, we are still in the millennial phase. People my age in general still listen to their parents,” said Ms Law, who has been in the wedding industry for more than a decade.
“But in the future, with Gen Zers’ individualistic mindsets, parents might have less say. And these parents will likely also be more forgiving (towards their children),” she added.